Gunboats

Started by Carthaginian, April 04, 2007, 03:01:21 AM

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Carthaginian

The third class of 'mass cruiser', the Corpus Christi class is ostensibly an improvement on the two earlier classes. Their alleged improvements involved weakening the gunnery, removing the puny 55pdr guns without enhancing the 3" battery, and inreasing range at the expense of accomodation. As with the earlier classes, these ships are rusting away in southern California.

CSS Corpus Christi - sold to Rohan 1898
CSS Saint Petersburg - sold to Rohan 1898
CSS San Angelo - sold to Rohan 1898
CSS Sumter - sold to Rohan 1898
CSS Oak Ridge - sold to Rohan 1898
CSS Charlottesville - sold to Rohan 1898

CSS Corpus Christi, Confederate States of America Third Class Protected Cruiser laid down 1887

Displacement:
1,492 t light; 1,539 t standard; 1,864 t normal; 2,124 t full load

Dimensions: Length overall / water x beam x draught
280.00 ft / 280.00 ft x 38.00 ft x 12.00 ft (normal load)
85.34 m / 85.34 m x 11.58 m x 3.66 m

Armament:
6 - 3.00" / 76.2 mm guns in single mounts, 12.50lbs / 5.67kg shells, 1887 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
2 - 1.85" / 47.0 mm guns in single mounts, 3.03lbs / 1.37kg shells, 1887 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
Weight of broadside 81 lbs / 37 kg
Shells per gun, main battery: 175
4 - 18.0" / 457.2 mm submerged torpedo tubes

Armour:

- Armour deck: 0.50" / 13 mm

Machinery:
Coal fired boilers, simple reciprocating steam engines,
Direct drive, 2 shafts, 4,342 ihp / 3,239 Kw = 18.00 kts
Range 5,000nm at 10.00 kts
Bunker at max displacement = 584 tons (100% coal)

Complement:
141 - 184

Cost:
£0.179 million / $0.716 million

Distribution of weights at normal displacement:
Armament: 10 tons, 0.6 %
Armour: 66 tons, 3.6 %
- Belts: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Torpedo bulkhead: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armament: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armour Deck: 66 tons, 3.6 %
- Conning Tower: 0 tons, 0.0 %
Machinery: 843 tons, 45.2 %
Hull, fittings & equipment: 572 tons, 30.7 %
Fuel, ammunition & stores: 373 tons, 20.0 %
Miscellaneous weights: 0 tons, 0.0 %

Overall survivability and seakeeping ability:
Survivability (Non-critical penetrating hits needed to sink ship):
814 lbs / 369 Kg = 26.6 x 6 " / 152 mm shells or 0.3 torpedoes
Stability (Unstable if below 1.00): 2.05
Metacentric height 3.6 ft / 1.1 m
Roll period: 8.4 seconds
Steadiness - As gun platform (Average = 50 %): 70 %
- Recoil effect (Restricted arc if above 1.00): 0.02
Seaboat quality (Average = 1.00): 1.48

Hull form characteristics:
Hull has rise forward of midbreak
Block coefficient: 0.511
Length to Beam Ratio: 7.37 : 1
'Natural speed' for length: 16.73 kts
Power going to wave formation at top speed: 49 %
Trim (Max stability = 0, Max steadiness = 100): 47
Bow angle (Positive = bow angles forward): -12.00 degrees
Stern overhang: 0.00 ft / 0.00 m
Freeboard (% = measuring location as a percentage of overall length):
- Stem: 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Forecastle (20 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Mid (50 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m (4.00 ft / 1.22 m aft of break)
- Quarterdeck (15 %): 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Stern: 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Average freeboard: 9.00 ft / 2.74 m
Ship tends to be wet forward

Ship space, strength and comments:
Space - Hull below water (magazines/engines, low = better): 174.5 %
- Above water (accommodation/working, high = better): 83.3 %
Waterplane Area: 7,161 Square feet or 665 Square metres
Displacement factor (Displacement / loading): 102 %
Structure weight / hull surface area: 55 lbs/sq ft or 268 Kg/sq metre
Hull strength (Relative):
- Cross-sectional: 0.98
- Longitudinal: 1.28
- Overall: 1.01
Hull space for machinery, storage, compartmentation is cramped
Room for accommodation and workspaces is cramped
Ship has slow, easy roll, a good, steady gun platform
Good seaboat, rides out heavy weather easily
So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in old Baghdad;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.

Carthaginian

A new, but scarcely improved, class of cruiser was laid down in 1889. The Inverness class mounts the new 4" 25pdr gun, and is capable of 19 knots. There is, however, an excessively wide range of light guns, mixing 3pdrs and 6pdrs, and only 4 25pdrs are mounted, giving a broadside of only 2 guns.

CSS Inverness - scrapped 1900
CSS Prescott - scrapped 1900
CSS Tijuana - scrapped 1900
CSS Portsmouth - scrapped 1900
CSS Florence - scrapped 1900
CSS La Paz - scrapped 1900
CSS Anaheim - scrapped 1900
CSS Albequerque - scrapped 1900

CSS Inverness, Confederate States of America Third Class Protected Cruiser laid down 1889

Displacement:
1,835 t light; 1,897 t standard; 2,243 t normal; 2,519 t full load

Dimensions: Length overall / water x beam x draught
320.00 ft / 320.00 ft x 40.00 ft x 12.00 ft (normal load)
97.54 m / 97.54 m x 12.19 m x 3.66 m

Armament:
4 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1889 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
4 - 2.24" / 57.0 mm guns in single mounts, 6.00lbs / 2.72kg shells, 1889 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
2 - 1.85" / 47.0 mm guns in single mounts, 3.00lbs / 1.36kg shells, 1889 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
Weight of broadside 130 lbs / 59 kg
Shells per gun, main battery: 175
6 - 18.0" / 457.2 mm submerged torpedo tubes

Armour:

- Armour deck: 0.50" / 13 mm

Machinery:
Coal fired boilers, reciprocating steam engines,
Direct drive, 2 shafts, 5,599 ihp / 4,177 Kw = 19.00 kts
Range 5,000nm at 10.00 kts
Bunker at max displacement = 623 tons (100% coal)

Complement:
162 - 211

Cost:
£0.225 million / $0.901 million

Distribution of weights at normal displacement:
Armament: 19 tons, 0.9 %
Armour: 80 tons, 3.6 %
- Belts: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Torpedo bulkhead: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armament: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armour Deck: 80 tons, 3.6 %
- Conning Tower: 0 tons, 0.0 %
Machinery: 1,035 tons, 46.2 %
Hull, fittings & equipment: 701 tons, 31.3 %
Fuel, ammunition & stores: 407 tons, 18.2 %
Miscellaneous weights: 0 tons, 0.0 %

Overall survivability and seakeeping ability:
Survivability (Non-critical penetrating hits needed to sink ship):
880 lbs / 399 Kg = 27.9 x 6 " / 152 mm shells or 0.3 torpedoes
Stability (Unstable if below 1.00): 2.08
Metacentric height 4.0 ft / 1.2 m
Roll period: 8.4 seconds
Steadiness - As gun platform (Average = 50 %): 70 %
- Recoil effect (Restricted arc if above 1.00): 0.02
Seaboat quality (Average = 1.00): 1.45

Hull form characteristics:
Hull has rise forward of midbreak
Block coefficient: 0.511
Length to Beam Ratio: 8.00 : 1
'Natural speed' for length: 17.89 kts
Power going to wave formation at top speed: 47 %
Trim (Max stability = 0, Max steadiness = 100): 48
Bow angle (Positive = bow angles forward): -12.00 degrees
Stern overhang: 0.00 ft / 0.00 m
Freeboard (% = measuring location as a percentage of overall length):
- Stem: 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Forecastle (20 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Mid (50 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m (4.00 ft / 1.22 m aft of break)
- Quarterdeck (15 %): 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Stern: 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Average freeboard: 9.00 ft / 2.74 m
Ship tends to be wet forward

Ship space, strength and comments:
Space - Hull below water (magazines/engines, low = better): 187.7 %
- Above water (accommodation/working, high = better): 87.3 %
Waterplane Area: 8,615 Square feet or 800 Square metres
Displacement factor (Displacement / loading): 95 %
Structure weight / hull surface area: 57 lbs/sq ft or 280 Kg/sq metre
Hull strength (Relative):
- Cross-sectional: 1.01
- Longitudinal: 1.02
- Overall: 1.01
Hull space for machinery, storage, compartmentation is cramped
Room for accommodation and workspaces is cramped
Ship has slow, easy roll, a good, steady gun platform
Good seaboat, rides out heavy weather easily
So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in old Baghdad;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.

Carthaginian


The oldest cruiser of the CSN that approaches modern standards, the Laredo class mounts an admirable battery of eight 25pdr guns, with four 19.5" torpedo tubes providing added punch against large ships. Although less seaworthy than earlier ships, these are still potent cruisers and good seaboats.

CSS Laredo - sold to Rohan 1904
CSS Torreon - sold to Rohan 1904
CSS Wilmimgton - sold to Rohan 1904
CSS Abilene - sold to Rohan 1904
CSS Socorro - sold to Rohan 1904
CSS Tucson - sold to Rohan 1904

CSS Laredo, Confederate States of America Third Class Protected Cruiser laid down 1891

Displacement:
1,903 t light; 1,977 t standard; 2,243 t normal; 2,455 t full load

Dimensions: Length overall / water x beam x draught
320.00 ft / 320.00 ft x 40.00 ft x 12.00 ft (normal load)
97.54 m / 97.54 m x 12.19 m x 3.66 m

Armament:
8 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1891 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
6 guns in hull casemates - Limited use in any sea
4 - 2.24" / 57.0 mm guns in single mounts, 6.00lbs / 2.72kg shells, 1891 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
2 - 1.85" / 47.0 mm guns in single mounts, 3.00lbs / 1.36kg shells, 1891 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
Weight of broadside 230 lbs / 104 kg
Shells per gun, main battery: 175
4 - 19.5" / 495.3 mm submerged torpedo tubes

Armour:

- Armour deck: 0.50" / 13 mm

Machinery:
Coal fired boilers, reciprocating steam engines,
Direct drive, 2 shafts, 6,763 ihp / 5,045 Kw = 20.00 kts
Range 4,000nm at 10.00 kts
Bunker at max displacement = 479 tons (100% coal)

Complement:
162 - 211

Cost:
£0.250 million / $1.001 million

Distribution of weights at normal displacement:
Armament: 36 tons, 1.6 %
Armour: 80 tons, 3.6 %
- Belts: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Torpedo bulkhead: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armament: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armour Deck: 80 tons, 3.6 %
- Conning Tower: 0 tons, 0.0 %
Machinery: 1,099 tons, 49.0 %
Hull, fittings & equipment: 689 tons, 30.7 %
Fuel, ammunition & stores: 339 tons, 15.1 %
Miscellaneous weights: 0 tons, 0.0 %

Overall survivability and seakeeping ability:
Survivability (Non-critical penetrating hits needed to sink ship):
817 lbs / 371 Kg = 25.5 x 6 " / 152 mm shells or 0.3 torpedoes
Stability (Unstable if below 1.00): 2.05
Metacentric height 3.9 ft / 1.2 m
Roll period: 8.5 seconds
Steadiness - As gun platform (Average = 50 %): 70 %
- Recoil effect (Restricted arc if above 1.00): 0.03
Seaboat quality (Average = 1.00): 1.30

Hull form characteristics:
Hull has rise forward of midbreak
Block coefficient: 0.511
Length to Beam Ratio: 8.00 : 1
'Natural speed' for length: 17.89 kts
Power going to wave formation at top speed: 50 %
Trim (Max stability = 0, Max steadiness = 100): 54
Bow angle (Positive = bow angles forward): -12.00 degrees
Stern overhang: 0.00 ft / 0.00 m
Freeboard (% = measuring location as a percentage of overall length):
- Stem: 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Forecastle (20 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Mid (50 %): 13.00 ft / 3.96 m (4.00 ft / 1.22 m aft of break)
- Quarterdeck (15 %): 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Stern: 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Average freeboard: 8.85 ft / 2.70 m
Ship tends to be wet forward

Ship space, strength and comments:
Space - Hull below water (magazines/engines, low = better): 194.3 %
- Above water (accommodation/working, high = better): 84.9 %
Waterplane Area: 8,615 Square feet or 800 Square metres
Displacement factor (Displacement / loading): 78 %
Structure weight / hull surface area: 56 lbs/sq ft or 276 Kg/sq metre
Hull strength (Relative):
- Cross-sectional: 1.01
- Longitudinal: 1.02
- Overall: 1.01
Hull space for machinery, storage, compartmentation is cramped
Room for accommodation and workspaces is cramped
Ship has slow, easy roll, a good, steady gun platform
Good seaboat, rides out heavy weather easily
So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in old Baghdad;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.

Carthaginian

The Little Rock class are slightly improved versions of the Laredo class, with a 5 gun, rather than a 4 gun, broadside and 25% longer range. Although not the most spacious vessels, these remain capable ships.

CSS Little Rock
CSS Fayetteville
CSS Brunswick
CSS Fort Smith
CSS Long Beach
CSS Agua Prieta
CSS Arcadia
CSS Selma

CSS Little Rock, Confederate States of America Third Class Protected Cruiser laid down 1893

Displacement:
1,854 t light; 1,925 t standard; 2,243 t normal; 2,497 t full load

Dimensions: Length overall / water x beam x draught
320.00 ft / 320.00 ft x 40.00 ft x 12.00 ft (normal load)
97.54 m / 97.54 m x 12.19 m x 3.66 m

Armament:
2 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1893 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on centreline ends, evenly spread
6 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1893 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
6 guns in hull casemates - Limited use in any sea
6 - 1.85" / 47.0 mm guns in single mounts, 3.00lbs / 1.36kg shells, 1893 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
8 - 1.00" / 25.4 mm guns in single mounts, 0.50lbs / 0.23kg shells, 1893 Model
Machine guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
Weight of broadside 222 lbs / 101 kg
Shells per gun, main battery: 175
4 - 19.5" / 495.3 mm submerged torpedo tubes

Armour:
- Gun armour: Face (max) Other gunhouse (avg) Barbette/hoist (max)
Main: 0.50" / 13 mm - -

- Armour deck: 0.50" / 13 mm

Machinery:
Coal fired boilers, complex reciprocating steam engines,
Direct drive, 2 shafts, 6,763 ihp / 5,045 Kw = 20.00 kts
Range 5,000nm at 10.00 kts
Bunker at max displacement = 572 tons (100% coal)

Complement:
162 - 211

Cost:
£0.243 million / $0.972 million

Distribution of weights at normal displacement:
Armament: 35 tons, 1.6 %
Armour: 82 tons, 3.6 %
- Belts: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Torpedo bulkhead: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armament: 2 tons, 0.1 %
- Armour Deck: 80 tons, 3.6 %
- Conning Tower: 0 tons, 0.0 %
Machinery: 1,064 tons, 47.4 %
Hull, fittings & equipment: 673 tons, 30.0 %
Fuel, ammunition & stores: 389 tons, 17.3 %
Miscellaneous weights: 0 tons, 0.0 %

Overall survivability and seakeeping ability:
Survivability (Non-critical penetrating hits needed to sink ship):
875 lbs / 397 Kg = 27.4 x 4.0 " / 102 mm shells or 0.3 torpedoes
Stability (Unstable if below 1.00): 2.08
Metacentric height 4.0 ft / 1.2 m
Roll period: 8.4 seconds
Steadiness - As gun platform (Average = 50 %): 70 %
- Recoil effect (Restricted arc if above 1.00): 0.03
Seaboat quality (Average = 1.00): 1.30

Hull form characteristics:
Hull has rise forward of midbreak
Block coefficient: 0.511
Length to Beam Ratio: 8.00 : 1
'Natural speed' for length: 17.89 kts
Power going to wave formation at top speed: 50 %
Trim (Max stability = 0, Max steadiness = 100): 54
Bow angle (Positive = bow angles forward): -12.00 degrees
Stern overhang: 0.00 ft / 0.00 m
Freeboard (% = measuring location as a percentage of overall length):
- Stem: 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Forecastle (20 %): 14.00 ft / 4.27 m
- Mid (50 %): 13.00 ft / 3.96 m (4.00 ft / 1.22 m aft of break)
- Quarterdeck (15 %): 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Stern: 4.00 ft / 1.22 m
- Average freeboard: 8.85 ft / 2.70 m
Ship tends to be wet forward

Ship space, strength and comments:
Space - Hull below water (magazines/engines, low = better): 188.3 %
- Above water (accommodation/working, high = better): 84.9 %
Waterplane Area: 8,615 Square feet or 800 Square metres
Displacement factor (Displacement / loading): 82 %
Structure weight / hull surface area: 55 lbs/sq ft or 269 Kg/sq metre
Hull strength (Relative):
- Cross-sectional: 1.01
- Longitudinal: 1.02
- Overall: 1.01
Hull space for machinery, storage, compartmentation is cramped
Room for accommodation and workspaces is cramped
Ship has slow, easy roll, a good, steady gun platform
Good seaboat, rides out heavy weather easily
So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in old Baghdad;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.

Carthaginian

Well armed, fast cruisers, mounting ten 25pdr guns and six 19.5" torpedoes. Long ranged, their sole shortcoming is their comparatively low speed.

Odessa, the third ship of the class, was rammed and sunk by an Island Commonwealth armoured cruiser during the 1901 war.

CSS Jacksonville - SCRAPPED 1906
CSS Macon - SCRAPPED 1906
CSS Odessa - sunk 1901

CSS Jacksonville, Confederate States of America Third Class Protected Cruiser laid down 1895

Displacement:
1,885 t light; 1,962 t standard; 2,336 t normal; 2,635 t full load

Dimensions: Length overall / water x beam x draught
320.00 ft / 320.00 ft x 40.00 ft x 12.50 ft (normal load)
97.54 m / 97.54 m x 12.19 m x 3.81 m

Armament:
2 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1895 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on centreline ends, evenly spread
8 - 4.00" / 102 mm guns in single mounts, 25.00lbs / 11.34kg shells, 1895 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
6 - 1.85" / 47.0 mm guns in single mounts, 3.00lbs / 1.36kg shells, 1895 Model
Quick firing guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
8 - 1.00" / 25.4 mm guns in single mounts, 0.50lbs / 0.23kg shells, 1895 Model
Machine guns in deck mounts
on side, evenly spread
Weight of broadside 272 lbs / 123 kg
Shells per gun, main battery: 165
6 - 19.5" / 495.3 mm submerged torpedo tubes

Armour:
- Gun armour: Face (max) Other gunhouse (avg) Barbette/hoist (max)
Main: 0.50" / 13 mm - -

- Armour deck: 0.50" / 13 mm

Machinery:
Coal fired boilers, complex reciprocating steam engines,
Direct drive, 2 shafts, 6,926 ihp / 5,167 Kw = 20.00 kts
Range 6,000nm at 10.00 kts
Bunker at max displacement = 673 tons (100% coal)

Complement:
167 - 218

Cost:
£0.252 million / $1.008 million

Distribution of weights at normal displacement:
Armament: 43 tons, 1.8 %
Armour: 82 tons, 3.5 %
- Belts: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Torpedo bulkhead: 0 tons, 0.0 %
- Armament: 2 tons, 0.1 %
- Armour Deck: 80 tons, 3.4 %
- Conning Tower: 0 tons, 0.0 %
Machinery: 1,072 tons, 45.9 %
Hull, fittings & equipment: 689 tons, 29.5 %
Fuel, ammunition & stores: 451 tons, 19.3 %
Miscellaneous weights: 0 tons, 0.0 %

Overall survivability and seakeeping ability:
Survivability (Non-critical penetrating hits needed to sink ship):
810 lbs / 368 Kg = 25.3 x 4.0 " / 102 mm shells or 0.3 torpedoes
Stability (Unstable if below 1.00): 2.05
Metacentric height 3.9 ft / 1.2 m
Roll period: 8.5 seconds
Steadiness - As gun platform (Average = 50 %): 70 %
- Recoil effect (Restricted arc if above 1.00): 0.05
Seaboat quality (Average = 1.00): 1.30

Hull form characteristics:
Hull has rise forward of midbreak
Block coefficient: 0.511
Length to Beam Ratio: 8.00 : 1
'Natural speed' for length: 17.89 kts
Power going to wave formation at top speed: 50 %
Trim (Max stability = 0, Max steadiness = 100): 54
Bow angle (Positive = bow angles forward): -12.00 degrees
Stern overhang: 0.00 ft / 0.00 m
Freeboard (% = measuring location as a percentage of overall length):
- Stem: 13.00 ft / 3.96 m
- Forecastle (20 %): 13.00 ft / 3.96 m
- Mid (50 %): 13.00 ft / 3.96 m (5.00 ft / 1.52 m aft of break)
- Quarterdeck (15 %): 5.00 ft / 1.52 m
- Stern: 5.00 ft / 1.52 m
- Average freeboard: 9.00 ft / 2.74 m
Ship tends to be wet forward

Ship space, strength and comments:
Space - Hull below water (magazines/engines, low = better): 198.8 %
- Above water (accommodation/working, high = better): 85.4 %
Waterplane Area: 8,615 Square feet or 800 Square metres
Displacement factor (Displacement / loading): 84 %
Structure weight / hull surface area: 56 lbs/sq ft or 272 Kg/sq metre
Hull strength (Relative):
- Cross-sectional: 1.00
- Longitudinal: 1.07
- Overall: 1.01
Hull space for machinery, storage, compartmentation is cramped
Room for accommodation and workspaces is cramped
Ship has slow, easy roll, a good, steady gun platform
Good seaboat, rides out heavy weather easily
   
So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'ome in old Baghdad;
You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man;
We gives you your certificate, an' if you want it signed
We'll come an' 'ave a romp with you whenever you're inclined.